I mean, how do you do it? How do I get from where I am, to where God wants me. Yes. I know i'll get there in time, but that doesn't help. If I don't know what changes I'm supposed to make, what I'm supposed to do, if I keep on this same path, how am I going to get there? I'm not saying I'm on a bad path, I'm just saying how do I get to the next one.
Ready for gut spillage?
So I know God is calling me to be a youth leader of some sort, wether it's youthstaff, or pastor, or what, I don't know. Well, I guess I do for like... this coming year type deal, I know He wants me to be youthstaff. He told me this, quite bluntly, and I denied it, got angry at it, ignored it, got upset at it, got more angry and pissed off at it, and then gave in and accepted it. (for the most part.) But I'm so confused as to how. I don't know how I'm supposed to make the transition from youth, to youthstaff. The truth is I feel like the youthstaff are on a completely different level. They are the authority, and adults, and whatever else you wanna call them, and I don't know how I could fit in with that. How do I enter that level and feel accepted? I've known them for many many years, and entering that level with them would be as awkward as anything. I don't think I'd feel equal, because I'd still look up to them, and go to them with whatever, and I feel like I'd still be treated as a youth, as a kid, rather then what I'm supposed to be now. Am I supposed to stop that just because I was a youthstaff as well? I know they've all got their problems as well, hurts just don't go away because you're older now. I know this, but I feel like mine should. Like if I'm going to do this, I should be over everything.
No, I'm not making excuses. I'm gonna do whatever God wants me to. I'm gonna go wherever He feels like taking me. It feels so awkward, and I'm so confused.
I don't know if any of that made sense to anyone... but yeah.
