I mean, how do you do it? How do I get from where I am, to where God wants me. Yes. I know i'll get there in time, but that doesn't help. If I don't know what changes I'm supposed to make, what I'm supposed to do, if I keep on this same path, how am I going to get there? I'm not saying I'm on a bad path, I'm just saying how do I get to the next one.
Ready for gut spillage?
So I know God is calling me to be a youth leader of some sort, wether it's youthstaff, or pastor, or what, I don't know. Well, I guess I do for like... this coming year type deal, I know He wants me to be youthstaff. He told me this, quite bluntly, and I denied it, got angry at it, ignored it, got upset at it, got more angry and pissed off at it, and then gave in and accepted it. (for the most part.) But I'm so confused as to how. I don't know how I'm supposed to make the transition from youth, to youthstaff. The truth is I feel like the youthstaff are on a completely different level. They are the authority, and adults, and whatever else you wanna call them, and I don't know how I could fit in with that. How do I enter that level and feel accepted? I've known them for many many years, and entering that level with them would be as awkward as anything. I don't think I'd feel equal, because I'd still look up to them, and go to them with whatever, and I feel like I'd still be treated as a youth, as a kid, rather then what I'm supposed to be now. Am I supposed to stop that just because I was a youthstaff as well? I know they've all got their problems as well, hurts just don't go away because you're older now. I know this, but I feel like mine should. Like if I'm going to do this, I should be over everything.
No, I'm not making excuses. I'm gonna do whatever God wants me to. I'm gonna go wherever He feels like taking me. It feels so awkward, and I'm so confused.
I don't know if any of that made sense to anyone... but yeah.
5 comments:
I think you're not alone in feeling this way. We have several peeps who are not youth, but not full fledged youth staff either. Take Jeremy, or Trever, or Bobby Nisbet.It is a difficult transition indeed. Even when you are on youth staff, peeps are at different levels spiritually so to speak. Nothin' wrong with that either. Talk to Mike if this is what you're feelin' you want to do in your gut. He's really great and won't let peeps do it who aren't ready, but yet gentle and gracious. You'll grow up, and maybe I will too, someday :)
Haha I'm glad Briana answered first, because she pretty much said it all.
I'm proud of you for doing this, and I think it's awesome that you're hearing God. Briana's right, talk to Mike, it's not like anyone expects you to suddenly mature 15 years just because you may be put into a place of some leadership. Altho I have found that if you ARE put into a place like that and you take the responsibility seriously, having to look out for other people's interests helps you deal with your own. So there--did you see that one coming? :-)
Also I think a lot of the time knowing that other people are looking up to you can help force you to make choices you need to, because you feel the responsibility and you want to be able to give others your best.
Don't quit. We love you and we see so much potential in you!
Ditto to what both of these beautiful ladies said. They are wise beyond their years. Just remember, God is on your side. He loves you and wants the best for you and knows the best for you better than anyone else, including yourself.
It made a lot of sense Joanna, as you might not know Mike was my Youth leader, and Amy and Mike were Laura's. We all start off somewhere, we don't fit in, it's akward, you worry that the kids won't accept you and you think that the adults certainly won't but you find your place, and you use what you have lived through to speak to those kids, and they will respect you and you will be an adult, but don't think that this means you won't have us to turn to anymore, if you haven't noticed Laura and Amy are really good friends and equals now and when you have a problem you go to your friends to talk. I love you and you will be good for these kids.
Mmmmm....I love what Mama Janna said. Sometimes I forget that Amy was one of my youth leaders. Not because she wasn't good, it's just...we came through a lot. Idk, that doesn't seem to make sense, lol. Amy had a big influence on my leaving high school to entering college and youth staff, and she never made me feel belittled. She helped me make that transition smoothly. I'm still proud of you ;-)
Post a Comment